


Snark and Banter

by agentsimmons



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (on purpose), Banter, Companionable Snark, Deaf Clint Barton, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Science Boyfriends, Science Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 06:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4424336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentsimmons/pseuds/agentsimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once they get started, there's no telling where the conversation will go. </p><p>Aka a ficlet feat. Tony Snark-Banter and Bruce Banter-Snark for no other purpose than to point out their dynamic 'mathematically' or...something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snark and Banter

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Tony makes a few tasteless jokes about being hard at hearing/needing hearing aids. Bruce points out that it's offensive, but no the fic does not treat the subject as seriously as it should.

"What exactly is falafel anyway? Everybody is so into it and, honestly, I've yet to figure it out."

"That's probably because it's not coffee or a dead cow with a side of starch." 

"Or maybe it's because it sounds like hippy food and I'm definitely not a hippy."

"One, it's Middle-Eastern. Two, you're the only name in clean energy right now. So you actually might be a hippy. More than me even."

" _Gasp!_ Take it back."

"Did you really just dramatically say the word gasp instead of actually gasping?"

"Obviously. What? Are you getting hard of hearing already? Not just the eyes now? Do you need a hearing test? I'm sure Barton there can refer you for a discount at SHIELD Hearing Aids R Us."

"That's seriously offensive. Even for you. Clint will probably try to kill you in your sleep tonight. And I might hold back the Other Guy so he can."

"Uh huh. Well, I'd have to actually be asleep for that to be plausible and you'll be otherwise occupied. So raincheck on death by medieval weaponry... That could actually be a little kinky if you eliminate the death part."

"Yeah, no. We're not adding medieval weaponry to our list of kinks."

"Medieval role play with occasional light situational bondage. Final offer."

"Negotiable. But if you make any puns about being a knight in shining armor, I _will_ laugh and spoil the mood. Fair warning."

"It wouldn't really be a pun because I'm already legitimately your knight in shining armor."

"Oh yes. My hero. And let me guess, the Other Guy is the dragon that has poor defenseless me trapped?"

"Hmmm. Nah. You're more like Princess Fiona. Fury's the dragon."

"Oh my god do NOT turn that into a How To Train Your Dragon reference."

"...the _fuck_. You two are insane." 

The two men turned from where Bruce was preparing dinner (falafel) and Tony was 'helping' to see Clint staring at them with his most dead-serious Hawkeye expression. 

"Seriously. All Tony did was ask about falafel. How the hell do you guys manage to get from there to How To Train Your Dragon in less than two minutes? And, dude, Stark... How the hell do you get Banner to say that many words when he's a clam 80% of the time if not more? I mean, jeez, I almost took out my aids somewhere in the middle because my head was starting to spin."

Tony and Bruce looked back and forth at each other for a moment and then laughed. Bruce shook his head in amusement and turned back to preparing the meal.

"Geek math," Tony said breezily. "Your little hawk brain wouldn't understand."

"Hawks are intelligent creatures. Try me."

"Sure they are." Tony rolled his eyes. "Alright. It's all about transposing your variables. What do you get if you take away the T in Stark and replace it with an N from Banner?"

"Uh. Snark?"

"Very good. Now take the T and use it to replace the N you just took from Banner and..."

Clint scrunched his face. "Batner...?"

"Very intelligent, I see." 

Clint scowled. 

" _Tony_." Bruce shot him a warning glare.

"Right." Tony nodded. "No need to be a dick," Tony semi-apologized. "Banner has two Ns. Flip 'em."

Clint furrowed his brow for a second before relaxing it again. "Oh. Banter."

"Yep. There you go. Snark and Banter. That's us." Tony threw an airy hand between himself and Bruce, a wide smile on his face. "We mathematically and alphabetically complete each other."

"Awww," Bruce drawled in a dry tone, not turning to look at them.

Clint shook his head. "One of these days I'll learn to just not ask. But for the record, I have about as much of a problem with killing people while they're having sex as I do while they're asleep. Keep that in mind." He smirked and walked away. 

"O _kay_. Note to JARVIS, deadbolt the bedroom and block the vent access."

"Pretty sure that wouldn't stop him."

"Just need to slow him down long enough to put on the suit. So... What's falafel again?"

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the whole transpose Stark and Banner to make Snark and Banter idea for ages now. Finally decided to write this since I just started a personal science boyfriends centric Tumblr of the same name (snark-and-banter).


End file.
